On parenting

and a pivot into birth work

As of two days ago, my child is 18 months old. Wow. 1.5 years of her here in my life, 1.5 years since the momentous day that I became a parent. It feels like so long, but really how brief?! And of course I’ve been reflecting on this incredible time and how much has changed, how much it has changed me, so I wanted to share some thoughts, some truths, and subsequently, some news!

me & G, 18 months ago

The last 18 months have been lonely. Pregnancy and childbirth in the heart of the pandemic were quiet and hard and…lonely, despite their power and brilliance. And that tender time of early postpartum—even more so. I don’t live near my family and, as quite an introverted and independent person, I don’t have many close friends. My partner, who grew up here, has both and many, for which I am so grateful, but it’s not the same. To tell you the truth, there were not many hands that came to revel in and hold my child while I slept, not many shoulders to hold the load while I learned a whole new life and healed.

When I think back on the day I gave birth to my daughter, I remember two very profound things that happened that day for me: my baby arrived and I went from being just me to also being a mother. It seems obvious and I think as a culture, we speak of and acknowledge both transitions, both portals, as if we hold them in equal weight. But in my experience, the second part and the incredible, beautiful and difficult challenge of such a transformation that morphs and grows and builds and blossoms and rocks you at your very core at least once a day—well, it often gets a little overshadowed by the first, even and especially by me. And what people forget is that it continues—the healing, the learning, the transformation—long after the meal train ends and the newborn glow dims.

I have loved becoming and learning to be a parent, I have loved watching my child flourish and change and grow: I’m in awe and overwhelmed continuously with gratitude and a joy so immense it can hardly be described. If you are a parent, I imagine you know it too. But I have struggled daily with the hardship and the loneliness and the invisibility of motherhood. It’s so much to hold. What I’ve learned, and what I fully believe, is that no one, no couple, should go through it all or hold everything alone.

This fall I’ve been training to be a doula. It had always been a thing I considered, birth work, but it never felt like the right thing or like the right time until now, until the all-encompassing experience of giving birth myself and walking (sometimes floundering) along the path of everything that follows. I’m not sure exactly what will come of it, but I feel excited and determined to focus more of my time and energy on this, on advocating for people before, after, and beyond the entrance of their child.

Thank you for reading all of this! I’m still working on all the doula things and updating my website, gathering resources, etc. but you can read a little about it here for now and reach out to me to start the conversation about working with me. Wow it feels so great to say that, I’m so excited! If you have any profound birth/parenting thought or local resource to share with me too, I’d love to hear it <3

Of course I’m still an herbalist offering herbal things too and this newsletter space is still going to be a space where I just write about whatever I want and love, from plants to politics to parenting. Stick around & thanks :)